Silent Confession

Silent Confession – Ch.15 – A cat will also hit people when he is anxious

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       Qi Fang was hiding far away, he only wanted to gossip, but he didn’t want to cause Xin Yi to cry.

           Furthermore, just then, he had helped the kid to carefully analyze it once already, and the little kid nodded in acknowledgment, Zhou MuHui was angry because he was injured but didn’t notice it, why did the little kid still have to cry.

           Qi Fang hugged his head while trembling and stretched out his head from behind the sofa, saw that Xin Yi was hugging Zhou MuHui, it was his first time seeing Zhou MuHui this helpless, even the cold air around him when he came out of the kitchen has disappeared, only leaving panic.

           But after a few seconds, Zhou MuHui took a look at him, the man’s glare was menacing, Qi Fang withdrew his head in a hurry, took out his handphone, and started looking for his brothers.

           He was thinking in his heart that this wasn’t good, this place wasn’t safe, he can’t stay there any longer.

           Or else, before the journalists get to tear him, his brother was going to chop him first.

           But he didn’t get to leave, because Xin Yi called him.

           The little kid’s face was full of traces of tears, he probably cried for half a day and then was reminded that there was a third wheel in the house, dumbly lifted his head from Zhou MuHui’s arms, wiping his tears on one hand, and calling him on the other hand, and told him to quickly come and eat.

           Qi Fang saw that he cried too fiercely, and tactfully said there was no need, just as his voice dropped, an icy glare came from behind Xin Yi, Qi Fang quivered, hastily shut his mouth, and hurriedly got down from the sofa.

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           That one meal was very hard to eat, the two people facing each other didn’t speak, and Qi Fang couldn’t help but look at Zhou MuHui.
He really wasn’t aware that this kid could be so oversensitive, he was only seventeen at that time, and he didn’t even know what his brother looked like, imposing himself head first, even eagerly going to find him every day.

           He also didn’t know where his brother got so much charm from.

           When Xin Yi put down his chopsticks, Qi Fang finally let out a sigh of relief, the three of them scattered on their own, but when Qi Fang just turned around, Xin Yi followed in his direction.

           “…..”

           It was as if Qi Fang was faced with a great enemy, even the hair on his arm was about to rise, he also didn’t dare to make eye contact with Zhou MuHui who was behind Xin Yi, and asked him while trembling, “What, what’s wrong?”

           Xin Yi’s eyes were still a bit red, smiled at him with his hoarse voice, and said embarrassingly, “I’ll bring you a blanket.”

           He was also embarrassed, others came to be guests at his house, he was either sleeping or crying, and left others hanging on the side for half a day.

           Qi Fang’s scalp was tingling, he opened his mouth and wanted to refuse, but just as he was halfway through saying no need, the glare that was on him intensified, Qi Fang looked at the disappointed Xin Yi, and he stiffly stopped the falling tone of his sentence and turned it around.

           “… Ok.”

           The corner of Xin Yi’s lips raised into a smile again, hastily nodded and quickly ran into the guest room on one side.

           Qi Fang didn’t dare to turn his head around, he could only stiffly follow behind, wait until Xin Yi got him a blanket and a set of toiletries, finally felt relieved, took over the things, and pulled him out. 

           “I’ll do the rest myself, you can quickly go back!”

           If you still don’t go out, Zhou MuHui was going to swallow him whole alive!

           Xin Yi’s pace going out was a bit slow, but Qi Fang didn’t care, and promptly closed the door.

           He felt that Xin Yi was like Qi who was haunted by the fear of the sky might fall, he didn’t know why he would doubt the fact that Zhou MuHui liked him, Qi Fang just took a vow, that if his brother Zhou didn’t like the little kid, he would immediately become bent1, and be openly gay with that guy who was squatting in the hotel. 

 

           Xin Yi was pulled back by Zhou MuHui, he was just standing there dumbly after he got out, Zhou MuHui called him but he acted like he couldn’t hear it, in the end, the man frowned, and directly took him back to the room.

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           “Why are you not speaking?”

           Zhou MuHui half kneeled in front of him, and asked in a low voice.

           Xin Yi lowered his head, staying quiet like when he was a little kid and did something wrong.

           He actually regrets it a little, because Xin Yi isn’t actually someone who likes to cry, but lately has been crying over and over again, just like a child, seeming like never growing up.

           He dislikes this kind of himself.

           “Xin Yi.”

           Zhou MuHui called him again, Xin Yi could feel the texture of his palm on his face, but was unable to bear it, rubbing against it.

           “……”

           Zhou MuHui was laughing, even if his voice was very light, Xin Yi heard that.

           It caused him to be red-faced, making him even less willing to raise his head, shrink away like a quail, flip his body around, and was going to climb on the bed.

           But Zhou MuHui pressed him down.

           “Xiao Yi.”

           His breathing was very close, it was pressed next to his ear, which made Xin Yi feel a bit itchy, he couldn’t bear it and shrank back his neck, his hand stretching behind wanting to push him away.

           “Not fierce with you.” Zhou MuHui held his hand, drawing his whole person into his embrace, and said in a low voice, “Not being angry at you.”

           He gently stroked Xin Yi’s palm, it was slightly bulging, and the touch felt a bit rough, it was the gauze he just helped Xin Yi wrap on.

           Xin Yi was still not speaking, but Zhou MuHui wasn’t anxious anymore.

           He rested his head on Xin Yi’s shoulders and caressed his hand, not letting go of a single inch of skin, then with the silence between both of them, fitting tightly against him.

           “……”

           “… I didn’t want to cry.”

           Xin Yi’s voice was a bit hoarse, and also a bit soft, his head was lowered, and he only spoke after a long time.

           “I also didn’t like to cry back then, did I.”

           Zhou MuHui paused for a moment, and said, “Yes.”

           Xin Yi actually is a bit squeamish, picky with food, likes to make trouble, and surrounds people while chattering nonstop, his temperament was also a bit big, but rarely cry.

           Sometimes even if he holds it until his eyes turn red, he would also quickly wipe the tears that fell down, but in these late years the few times his tears fell down, it was all for Zhou MuHui.

 

           “Zhou MuHui.”  Xin Yi didn’t turn around, just held his hand in this position, he was actually very sad, he knew that he shouldn’t be such a coward, crying and evading it wasn’t a solution, he shouldn’t always stay silent, and holding back all the doubts in his heart, then hiding away and secretly feel sad.

           Even if he was really afraid.

           “You can’t be fierce with me in the future, alright.” His voice carried a bit of a crying tone, because he was trying to contain his own cowardice.

           Xin Yi wanted to be brave, fear neither Heaven nor Earth, and muster the courage to ask him, if he didn’t dare to do it today, then it will be tomorrow, if he still couldn’t do it tomorrow, then the day after it.

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           Xin Yi has to accumulate all the courage and power, to ask Zhou MuHui for once.

           Because he didn’t want Zhou MuHui to leave him.

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           “……” Zhou MuHui furrowed his brows, “Wasn’t fierce with you.”

           He thought that he didn’t explain himself clearly, but Xin Yi cut him off.

           “You were fierce with me before, you even told me to get lost.”

           Xin Yi’s tears fell down, but didn’t let Zhou MuHui notice, he drew out his trembling hand, curled it up tightly on his chest, and asked in a hoarse voice.

           “You don’t remember anymore?”

           “……”

           Zhou MuHui didn’t speak for a long time, after a while, he dropped his eyes, and sighed.

           “Remember.”

           How could he not remember, that the first time he learned about Xin Yi’s obstination was on that day.

           A kid who was only a teenager, got a scare at noon, then got another scare in the evening, even his eyes sockets were red, Zhou MuHui could even see the glint of tears in his eyes, he thought Xin Yi would leave, or would shout abuse to fight back, but he did not.

           Xin Yi grabbed his hand and looked up at him, whispering that he wouldn’t get lost.

           “Zhou MuHui, you are so good-looking, why are you always wearing a mask.”

           His hand wasn’t well-behaved, or maybe it was because he was containing his fear, because Zhou MuHui couldn’t remember well that day, it’s just that Xin Yi’s fingers were scorching hot, when he poked him through the mask, there was a shiver that ran through his bone marrow.

           “Is it because of the scar?”

           He asked using a breathy voice, standing on his tippy toes and very close to him, as if he was telling a secret.

           “But I think that it looks very good, very cool.”

           He kept looking at Zhou MuHui, his eyes staring at him, but even if he mustered the courage to say all these words, Zhou MuHui still ignored him, only forcefully struggling free of his grip, then told him to get lost.

           His face looked even worse than before. 

           Xin Yi never cried when Zhou MuHui thought he was going to cry, he was so fierce with him yet he didn’t let out his tears, on the contrary, obediently looked at him for a moment, then turned around to leave. 

           Zhou MuHui didn’t understand what he wanted to do, his conditioned reflex was to refuse others’ approaches, he didn’t know why that little was so interested in him, he obviously got scolded by him the day before, obviously suffered from an injustice here the day before, but the next day he still appeared in front of him.

           Cutting him off before he even gets to open his mouth.

           He really seems like an obedient little kid, it only takes a glance to see that he has never done anything rebellious since he was a kid, looking at him with his hand behind his back, and telling him feeling wronged, “I won’t get lost, I’ve come again.” 

           Zhou MuHui did not get rid of him ever since, Xin Yi was like a piece of sticky dogskin plaster2, every time he came he was afraid to death, but he would still come every time.

           The car wash station he was working at wasn’t some kind of decent shop, those people were like the three religions and nine systems of philosophy3, they would always point fingers when Xin Yi came, and laugh obscenely.
Zhou MuHui never cared about it, he only sat and watched coldly, during the evening when Xin Yi carried his schoolbag and came over, he would just ignore him.

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           Xin Yi usually stayed until eight o’clock and leave, Zhou MuHui guessed that was because he had school the next day, but on a certain day, it was about to be nine, and he still didn’t move, carrying his backpack squatted in the corner and rubbing his eyes, Zhou MuHui was thinking that he was probably sleepy, a little kid, generally not really able to endure it4. 

           But he didn’t tell Xin Yi to go back, and even when he got off work he did not tell him.

           Zhou MuHui couldn’t understand why a kid like this would follow him, every day enjoying talking with him, teasing him, while being apprehensive and scared, his hands obviously shaking every time he talked with him.

           But he was very busy, he got off work at nine o’clock and has to go to his other job, he doesn’t have the time to fool around with the kid, but he went through two alleys and Xin Yi still hasn’t caught up, Zhou MuHui’s pace gradually became slower, then stiffly stopped, and closed his eyes heavily.

 

           He knew that those from the car wash stations were not good people, or else they wouldn’t have kept him, but when he heard Xin Yi’s heartbreaking cry calling his name, anxiety still rushed to his head, and his arms green veins were raised and rushed over with a terrifying expression.

           Zhou MuHui already rarely raises his hands, he was always restraining himself, no matter what it was, but when Xin Yi bumped into him ashen-faced, he was angrier than what he imagined.

           “I, I hit someone.”

           Xin Yi fell in his arms, gulped his saliva with fear, and said, “Zhou MuHui, this is the first time I hit someone…”

           Zhou MuHui saw that there was a mottled red print on his hand, and the torn clothes that were swaying, his breathing stopped a beat, then pulled him forcefully behind him.

           “Wait here for me.” 

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           No one liked him, Zhou MuHui was a different species at the car wash station, he was ostracized and isolated, but Zhou MuHui never let it bother him.

           He seldom cared about what others thought about him, or treated him. 

           But Xin Yi was different, he was only a little kid, he shouldn’t be here, or even more be bullied by these vulgar people. 

           When Zhou MuHui came back wounded, Xin Yi got a scare, his mask got torn during the fight, Xin Yi hastily ran toward him, wanting to help him.

           But Zhou MuHui pushed him away, he was very annoyed, because of that group of bastards, and also because of Xin Yi.

           “He, he pinched my waist…”

           Xin Yi saw that his expression was ugly, and explained while stumbling on his words, “I just pushed him…”

           Zhou MuHui didn’t say anything, only stayed quiet, looking at him calmly.

           “Don’t come again.” Zhou MuHui said, “Don’t follow me again.”

           “……”

           Xin Yi widened his eyes, looking at him at a loss, “Is it because I hit someone…?”

           That pair of eyes were too pure, he never went through anything, would his life have things such as crime, violence, and indecency?

           No, he would even think that what just happened was just pulling and pushing, because others could see that he was little, that’s why they bullied him on purpose.

           Xin Yi was too young, he was only a very curious little kid.

           Zhou MuHui didn’t say anything, turning around to leave.

           “Zhou MuHui!”

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           But Xin Yi followed him again, surrounding him anxiously, “Then next time I won’t hit people won’t it be fine then?”

           “I won’t cause you troubles, I…”

           “I killed someone, do you understand?”

           Zhou MuHui was annoyed, pressed him against the wall, snapped, and got closer to him.

           The scar on his face was very long, it was the only trace that was left of that act of sin, Xin Yi stared at him dumbly, his eyes were too clean, Zhou MuHui thought, he shouldn’t have met him.

           “I’ve killed someone, I went to jail, I am not a good person.”

           “…Don’t follow me.”

           Zhou MuHui’s voice was vicious, but his palm was covering his face (XY’s ?).

           His was a sin, Xin Yi should stay away from sin.

           “……”

           Xin Yi was struck dumb, and didn’t return to his senses for a long time, when Zhou MuHui was going to leave, he suddenly hugged his arm.

           “Oh…”

           He nodded confusedly, then tilted up his head to ask him, “Then was it your fault?”

           One shouldn’t ask right or wrong when committing a crime, Zhou MuHui was thinking, no matter what the reason was, but he couldn’t bring himself to answer this question.

           “Yes.”

           After a long time, Zhou MuHui said.

           Hence, Xin Yi loosened his grip, Zhou MuHui couldn’t find the words to describe what he felt at that moment, it’s just that his chest suddenly shook, but he didn’t say anything else, only quietly turned around, took his things, and left.

           He probably can’t stay at the car wash station anymore, he had to take advantage of tonight, to find another job.

           But footsteps slowly resonated behind him, it was the kid who almost followed him for a month, Zhou MuHui could hear it.

           “Get lost.”

           Zhou MuHui didn’t turn his head.

           “..
Not getting lost.”

           Xin Yi’s voice was very small, as if mumbling, “I’m not even afraid of you.”

           Zhou MuHui stopped his steps, the little kid behind him probably didn’t notice, bumping head first, Zhou MuHui heard his small cry, seemingly to hold his forehead and cry out of pain, he paused, and turned around looking at him coldly.

           “Why are you following me?”

           Xin Yi’s face suddenly became red, Zho MuHui furrowed his eyebrows, heard him open his mouth but was stunned for an instant.

           “… What?”

           Xin Yi was embarrassed by his stare, quietly put his hands behind his back, pulled at the straps of his backpack, and said feeling wronged.

           “Like you ah…”