The Beginning After The End

e combing her hair, all I could think about was how small her shoulders looked.
They were shoulders that had so much burden and expectations placed on them.
It was easy to forget that before this war, she had just been a student.
Despite the similar physical age we shared, she didn’t have a past life to rely on for experience and mental fortitude.

 

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“You’re really bad at this.” Tess’ voice was soft and hoarse, but it still made my heart skip a beat.

 

“I-It’s not like I have experience doing this sort of thing,” I rebutted, embarrassed.

 

I was about to put back the brush, but a glance back from Tess stopped me.
“I didn’t tell you to stop.”

 

“Yes, Princess,” I replied.
Normally, she’d be pouting from a response like that.
Tess had always hated it since the first time we met whenever I referred to her as ‘princess,’ but not even the slightest hint of emotion could be seen on her face.

 

Still, it was just good to hear her voice.

 

For a while, I just absentmindedly talked while slowly brushing her hair.
I told her stories of my childhood—silly stories of our misadventures back together in Elenoir when we were kids.
While we had spent a lot of time training, and me assimilating with Sylvia’s beast will, that didn’t mean we didn’t relax and have fun.

 

The memories of simpler times made Tessia titter on occasion and correct my story.

 

“I was the one that had told you we shouldn’t go down that ravine, not you, wise guy,” she chortled.

 

“Really? I’m sure I was the smart and cautious one when we were little.”

 

She rolled her eyes.
“Smart, I’ll admit, but I wouldn’t exactly say you were a cautious one.
Ugh, I still remember finding the moss leeches on my body even hours after we made it back home.”

 

I stifled a laugh, remembering clearly how grossed out she had been at the harmless wriggling leeches that stuck to our skin.
She didn’t even have the courage to slap them off, resorting in a spastic flail of limbs that made her look like she had been shocked by lightning.

 

“Why are you laughing?” she asked, narrowing her eyes.

 

I didn’t answer, instead doing my best impression of her get-these-leeches-off-me dance.

 

“I was eight!” she protested, hitting me in the arm.

 

“Finally, you show some spirit.” I smiled, rubbing my arm.

 

She glared at me, but when I raised my arms up in submission, she turned fully towards me and wrapped her arms around my waist.

 

Tess remained still, her face buried in my chest.
Even as the towel around her fell, leaving her completely bare, she didn’t react.

 

Suddenly, I was all too conscious.
I was conscious of her soft pale flesh, the intoxicating smell that emanated from her.

 

When she looked up, her captivating eyes met mine and despite the shade of pink rising up in her cheeks and ears, I could see the longing and need for affection.

 

She closed her eyes then and pursed her quivering lips and it took all I had to stay sane.
I reminded myself of the days after I had become a king.
The days of loneliness where I questioned my self-worth.
The days where I indulged in physical intimacy to get a semblance of what being loved felt like—not as a political figure, but as a person.

 

I lowered my head, and for a second, I was tempted to meet her lips with mine.
We had done so before, afterall.

 

But I knew that given the circumstances, it wasn’t the same.

 

I placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, feeling her flinch under my touch.

 

She pulled away.
“Why? Am I not attractive enough? Is it because you still see me as a kid? I’m already eighteen.
Or…is it that you blame me for what happened too?”

 

“Do you blame yourself?” I asked back.

 

Tess lowered her gaze and nodded.
“I-I was selfish and I thought that—”

 

“Then you’re growing,” I cut her off, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.
“We all make mistakes, but the hardest part is admitting them and moving forward so they don’t happen again.”

 

Her shoulders trembled as she sniffled.
“So it’s not because I’m unattractive?”

 

It took a second to realize what she was talking about.
Immediately my face burned as I took in her exposed figure.
“No, it’s not because you’re unattractive.
I just want to do it properly, when neither of us are doing this as a way to escape.”

 

Prying my unwilling eyes away from the sight in front of me, I turned away.
“You should get dressed.
There’s one more thing I wanted to do for you.”

 

***

 

The kitchen was empty when we arrived, but thankfully there were plenty of ingredients stored in the chilled containers to make a quick midnight snack for ourselves.

 

“You wanted to… eat with me?” Tess asked, looking around the kitchen.

 

Taking a wrapped slab of meat from the storage, I held it up.
“I wanted to cook for you.”

 

“Cook? Why?”

 

I shrugged, gathering the rest of the ingredients and laying them out to prepare.
“You’ve grown up with meals made for you by the chefs in the castle.”

 

Rather than use magic, I pulled out a kitchen knife and I began dicing and mincing the ingredients.
“Back in Ashber, when I was a kid, my mom used to cook all of our meals.
She poured her time and energy just to see a smile on my and… my dad’s faces while we ate.”

 

My hand trembled but I continued cutting.
“Sitting at the dinner table…laughing and joking over good food.
It was one of those things that I never truly appreciated—not until it was… too late.”

 

I hurriedly wiped away a tear.
“Ah, s-some of the spices must’ve gotten into my eyes.
Sorry about that.
Almost forgot about the water.” I turned away from Tess and lowered the fire beneath the boiling pot of broth.

 

Through gritted teeth, I held back the sobs forming in my chest, but the tears wouldn’t stop.
My hands shook and my breath came out in choked bursts.

 

Flashes of memory from my time as a child growing up in Ashber pierced at my head like hot iron stakes, but I held firm.
I needed to comfort Tess.

 

“It’s okay.
I’m okay, Art.” Her voice was gentle, and her soft caress was enough to drive me to my knees.

 

I fell to the cold hard floor, clutching my chest as heaving sobs tore out from my throat.
I didn’t remember much throughout the rest of the night.
Maybe I didn’t want to remember being bogged down by the unfamiliar and raw emotions clawing away at me.

 

What I did remember, was the warm touch of Tess’ hands keeping me anchored and sane.