Chapter 53: Ally

[Itakura PoV]

I am on Emi’s side.

 But still.
I honestly believe that I have done something bad to Kitami.

 I spread things that were not true.
I blamed him for something that was false.

 Kitami will never forgive me.

 That is fine.
I am not trying to get him to forgive me now.

 I am aware of it.
I know that Emi made a mistake in the past and continues to make mistakes.

 Even though I am aware of this, I am still trying to be on her side.

 She is not a victim.
She is a perpetrator.

 What she is doing now is unforgivable.
She hurt Maika.
She cut off her friend for her own sake.

 I cannot forgive Okajima.
And at the same time, I can’t forgive Emi either.

If I go back to the beginning, Emi is the victim.
That’s why I will always stand by her side.

 But that and this are two different things.
What is unforgivable should not be forgiven.

 Unconditional trust does not make you an ally.

 I don’t believe that Emi is not to blame.
She made a mistake.

 But it’s not too late.
She can still come clean..

 Whether she will be forgiven… No, it’s up to Kitami whether or not she’ll be forgiven.
The possibility is… It’s not very likely.

 No, if it’s just Kitami, it’s not so bad.
Even I can tell.
He must be somewhat off.

 I am sure that the people around Kitami will not allow it.

So there is nothing to be done? That can’t be true.

 Emi will be judged.
I don’t know in what way or by whom, but she will not be able to turn away from that reality.

 Sin will follow her wherever she goes.
It is the same for me.

 It was only for Kana’s sake that I poured water on Okajima.
I was not taking Kitami’s side.

I don’t know if her way of being is right.
I do know that she is acting to atone for her sins.
I also know that it is, as Okajima says, self-satisfaction.

“….What’s wrong with that?”

 There is no way she can act 100% for the sake of others.

 Kana looked cool to me.

If I trace it back to the original, it never is.
It’s the act of going from negative to zero again.
It is not something to be praised.
It even looks like a stupid beautiful thing.

 However, I honestly thought it was amazing that she was able to go through with it without breaking, even when someone pointed it out to her.

I understood that this is the kind of person who will be forgiven.

 She will never make it a beautiful story.
She would probably live with it as a warning.

 It wasn’t noble to say that I admired her.
I just wanted to be a little bit like her.

I wondered what I was to Emi.
What does a friend mean to Emi?

 What is Emi thinking right now? I wonder if she is aware of her sins correctly.

 I am afraid.
I fear that I am an insignificant individual to her.

 Emi is kind.
I enjoy being with her.
I don’t want to put the fact that I thought so in the past.

Would I regret this choice? Am I qualified to do this if I am afraid of getting hurt?

 Whatever the case may be, I have to talk to Emi once.

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